As Poppy from the movie Trolls would say, “I’m going to get a little real”. Yes, I have probably watched this movie way too many times but I love that fact that kids movies have so many damn good learning’s and we only really truly grasp them when we’re adults!! The synchronicity is magical.
So, I am going to get straight to the point. Last year – I had a mini ‘breakdown’ and lost myself. My mental state went downhill. And If I’m completely honest with myself, I have gone down this path before but this time it seemed different, maybe having two children and being married made it all a bit more serious?
I initially put this ‘breakdown’ to a number of things, such as; lack of sleep, having a tiny human sucking all the goodness out of my body, being dictated to by my toddler, my body rejecting going back to the corporate slog of my previous life, being overwhelmed with being overwhelmed, having massive career envy and a genuine sadness that I didn’t have my own; nanny, stylist and make up artist living with me like all the housewives do on TV.
I had absolutely no logical reason for feeling the way I did – and that was definitely the hardest part of it all. And when I felt ‘safe’ enough to talk to someone about it, the words that usually followed were “you should be grateful” (insert yellow irritated face emoji x 1000). I completely understand that I should be grateful, but I wasn’t feeling it. That was my conundrum. I felt like no one understood what I was going through and it was probably best to keep these feelings under wraps. Anyway, surely Google will have the answer?
But, my ‘breakdown’ unfortunately progressed. I started getting carpel tunnel in my wrist and finger from all the pointing I was doing. All the blaming I was projecting. I’m fairly certain, at one point, the whole thing was my husband’s fault, but I always lacked concrete evidence to support my case!
Everyone annoyed me. I was annoyed that no one seemed to want to join my pity party and when they did want to join in, I felt like they tried to steal my thunder with their more glorious extravagant sob story. I had put a lot of effort into my ‘story’ and had been fine tunning it for years and I will be damned if someone thought they could take that away from me! Huff!
My mood wasn’t fun and I started to annoy myself. So I did what every conditioned citizen does and I went to the doctor to discuss options for a personality transplant but instead I was prescribed some antidepressants, to chat to a psychologist and to exercise 5 days a week!
Reluctantly, I started popping the pills and life got a little more chilled. I describe the feeling of chillness similar to those Tigers you see in a Safari Park where tourists can pat the tiger and the tiger lies there like a drunken kitten sunbathing in the sun!!! I’ll repeat, where you can pat a tiger!
Next on my ‘to do’ list is engage a psychologist. Being the pro-active girl I am, I also engaged a career coach (as I assumed a lot of my state was due to my lack of direction and purpose). But sadly, both of these experiences ended with “it’s not you, it’s me”. I was getting more frustrated with my lack of progress (but a somewhat chilled frustration) and then, enter left stage… my newly acquainted friend NLP – Neuro-Linguistic Programming. Now, before you put your judgey pants on, here me out…
Whenever I tell people I studied NLP, I either get one of the following; ‘what is NLP?” or a tiny little smirk followed by the aura of smugness, or my favourite; the softy spoken “is that like a cult?” bwah. I totally get it. Whatever we don’t understand we dismiss or ridicule.
I was a little like that before motherhood. Even though, I had 14 nephews and nieces you think I would have some understanding of motherhood but I really didn’t. I would wonder why my friends or family with children would take forever to respond to my messages, why are they so tired all the time? I had no awareness and had no reason to have an open mind to it, nor did I want too. So I get it.
For those of you that aren’t familiar, NLP is like a user manual for the brain. Well that’s how I describe it. It allows us to understand how our thoughts control our behaviour, which reflects our results in life.
Four days into a NLP course, I was literally in a trance (ha yes most probably hypnotised) from the influx of information. The highlight for me that completely answered all my questions, hopes and dreams was a technique called “Timeline Therapy” (although it does sound something like Marty McFly would be involved in, this technique is actually endorsed by Prince Charles – anything good enough for them, is good enough for me).
Here is a little crash course about the mind, please take notes: We have two separate sections of the mind called the conscious and unconscious mind. This may sound familiar because when Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin separated they “consciously uncoupled”. I never really completely understood this terminology and put it down to some ‘hippy talk” but now I get it. I am now totally down on the lingo. Nice work guys!
Ok, stay with me… my ‘aha’ moment finally arrived and everything finally made sense!
Your Conscious mind is the part of you that thinks and reasons. The conscious mind can accept or reject any idea. No person or circumstance can cause you to think about your thoughts or ideas you do not choose. Your thoughts eventually determine your results in your life. It accounts for 5% of your daily activity. As you accept a thought, it is then impressed onto your subconscious mind.
Then there is your unconscious mind, which is the most powerful processing powerhouse. It functions every cell of your body. It accounts for all emotions, behaviour and habits. Every thought your conscious mind chooses to accept, the unconscious mind must accept. It has no ability to reject. It accepts information literally and personally and takes direction from the conscious mind. Scientists will tell you the power of the unconscious is a million times more powerful than the conscious mind.
So, for example, if you think “I am too old for a career change” and you think this consistently, you will experience life with that perception or meaning you have created for yourself, directing all your behaviours to support your limiting belief. You are basically telling yourself – “there is absolutely no way out of this and I have no other option other than to be static or blocked and I choose to live this life that is not fulfilling my needs.” Your unconscious mind is not critical or judgy, it simply just gathers data and then acts accordingly to the conditioning, programming, instructions and messages it receives.
Thousands of interpretations, perceptions of experiences and meanings we create when we were young become rules for our lives. Science is now telling us the first 7 years of our lives are basically living in a hypnosis unconscious state and after this time it’s habitual through repetition. A subconscious mind is basically a machine that just records data and beliefs from all the sensory experiences we have from the behaviours of others like parents, siblings, friends, teachers, community.
Now, are you sitting down, Psychology now reveals up to 70% of these learned behaviours are disempowering, self-sabotaging and limiting! Yes, 70%!
So what exactly does this mean, well firstly, it means there is hope for all of us! Yay! Secondly, it means we all have negative programming from a young age (by no fault of anyone) and thirdly we can change this programing but it has to be through our unconscious mind (because that’s where it was created)!
So have you ever set a goal you’ve never achieved…now wave your hand “New Years Resolution”- you know this is you!!! Or been unable to lose that weight or quit that bad habit? That is because we are making these goals on a conscious level not an unconscious level. Or have you ever wondered why you are shy or stubborn – as in where did this come from? Chances are you downloaded it from the environment you were around while growing up.
Seriously, I feel like I’ve just been given the golden ticket to the Willy Wonka Chocolate factory. This is transformational.
So it makes complete sense when people say “your thoughts create your reality”. I have heard this phase so many times, but no one really ever explained the logistics behind this. So here it is, Thank you Dr Joe Dispenza;
“Every time you have a thought your body creates a chemical. If we have good thoughts, we make chemicals that make us feel good and if we have negative thoughts, we make chemicals that make us feel exactly the way we are thinking”. Make sense?
My mini ‘breakdown’ was in fact from the negative chitchat that was going on. I had little tiny violins playing the sympathy song all day long. I would go over conversations I had with people during the day (or events from years ago) feeding this false story to myself. Putting myself down all the time. I kept feeding this story that didn’t exist or wasn’t real. I literally started to hard wire my brain into a false identity. These core negative thoughts were in fact colouring my perception of reality and creating a negative world in which it resided. I had so much noise and stuff in my head I felt exhausted every day.
So what did I do….
Well, this is a bit of an Apple product joke, but how annoyed do you get when you see that spinning colour wheel pop up on your screen! Especially when you haven’t saved what you wee working on. Painful, just painful! I know from experience I get this on my screen when my computer has too many programs running, too many pages open, and too much crap on there. Sound familiar?
The same way a computer needs cleaning so does our mind. We need to remove the old programming and install a new, clean and better version. This is why TimeLine Therapy was a complete gamechanger for me. This technique allowed me to discover my programming in more depth. It gave me clarity around my thoughts and programming and allowed me to remove all the limiting beliefs, negative beliefs and replace them with a different meaning and new learning’s.
Once I cleared out this noise in my head honestly, everything was making sense. I was feeling lighter. My life felt like it started to flow. My intuition was off the charts. I was so aligned to my journey. My anxiety dissipated and I came off the antidepressants cold turkey. I felt an inner peace I had never felt before.
It turns out my ‘breakdown’ was in fact a ‘breakthrough’.
The most valuable relationship you will ever have is with yourself. For 20 years I have been searching for my purpose. Feeling lost and confused but as soon as I looked within and cleared out the ‘stuff’ I realised I had all the answers I needed. It was inside all along.
I will leave you with this – If you are feeling anxious, lost, confused, stuck, worthless, not good enough, please know this is complete bullocks and there is absolutely nothing wrong with you! You my friend, are perfect, you just haven’t been taught the tools and techniques to best mange and navigate through it all. Download that new version of yourself and start humming again!